Recently I started thinking back on some of the many good times I had with my Daddy and I started looking over some notes I had written about different conversations I had with him over the years and the memory of this visit with him came flooding back so I decided to compile the notes of the wonderful conversation we had on this fall day a few years ago.
My Daddy called yesterday (October 7, 2009) and asked that if I were in the area could I come down to the farm and help him with a little problem with the truck. I told him I would be happy to come help and after arriving a short time later he told me about his truck not shifting correctly, and how it didn’t want to go into park. He continued to say about how he had crawled under it and found a shift rod that had slipped out of place and how he had to put it back into the slot in the lever so he could shift it into park. As I listened to him talk I was amazed that at eighty-eight he is still able to get down and crawl under his vehicles.
I crawled under the truck and replaced the rod’s retainer clip from Daddy’s parts stash that would ensure the rod would stay in place and after we fixed it he asked if I could go with him around behind his house to do a couple of things to the tractor, so I hopped into the passenger seat and he drove around to the back. As Daddy and I were sitting in his truck behind the house he suddenly said, “I can feel myself getting older…I’m slower, I ache more, and I don’t feel as good as I used to. Hell, I’m not suppose to I guess for in two and a half months I’ll be eighty-nine.” I just listened and nodded in agreement as he continued. “I have a little something for you if you want it. I’m too old to hold on to all this stuff.” He handed me a bicentennial Eisenhower silver dollar and said, “I don’t how much it’s worth but I want you to have it.” I thanked him as I took it from him while he looked at me and said, “There is something else I want you to have as he held his hand out.” I reached out and Daddy placed a small, recognizable shiny brown leather pouch in my hand. As he continued to talk, I noticed the patina of the leather and the smooth polish on the metal edges of the coin purse that only comes from years of use. As I ran my thumb over the lines in its metal edge, a flood of memories came pouring over me as Daddy continued to talk, memories of Papaw, my paternal grandfather, smiling down at me as he reached into his left front trouser pocket, pulling out the brown leather coin purse as he says, “I have a little something for you here Dick (his nickname for me of unknown origin),” as he reaches in with his right hand to extract a nickel from its recesses to drop into my small palm as he closed the coin purse and placed it back into his pocket. Memories of him reaching into his pocket and counting out change to pay for something at a store, memories of him allowing me hold this wonderful coin purse and to count the change that it held within. Memories of feeling the uneven leather surface when it was almost full of coins. “I don’t know whether you remember my old daddy having this change purse,” Daddy continued, “but this is one I remember him using.” I told him this was the one I also remembered Papaw using, as I thanked him and promised to take care of it, I gratefully slid it into the front left pocket of my trousers, as I remembered Papaw doing, somehow hoping that the act itself might bestow some sort of familial aura around me that might make me worthy of the memories that came with it.
We got out of the truck to grease the tractor, a ritual that I remember sharing with my Daddy multiple times throughout my life. After getting the grease gun out of the shed, we begin the familiar rite at the back of the Massey Ferguson tractor…Daddy holding the body of the grease gun with one hand, as I snugly hold the tip of the hose to the grease fitting to make sure the pressure of the grease going into the joints of the tractor doesn’t pop the hose loose from the fittings as it often tended to do, while he pumped grease out of the gun with the other one. We always greased the joints starting at the back, and then on to the left side as we work our way toward the front where we grease both front axles and then work our way down the right side greasing the pedal joints there. It was a time-honored dance that we performed together from the time I was old enough to snugly hold the hose to the grease fittings. Even as an adult, as I saw my father slowly getting older, I would happily hold the hose to the fitting while he worked the gun knowing if he ever wanted to swap roles he would tell me, but even at eighty-eight years old I was thankful that he was still healthy and strong enough to take the lead with this, as well as most of the farm maintenance. When we finished I offered to put the grease gun up and after I returned the grease gun to the shed and walked back to the tractor, Daddy reached across the gas tank with his cane, asking me to hold it while he parked the tractor. I smiled and complied and as I watched him climb aboard, start and maneuver the tractor into its parking spot, I wondered to myself if I will still be alive at eighty-eight, much less crawling under cars and driving tractors.
After he parked the tractor, I handed him his cane back and as we started walking back to the truck he said, “I’m almost eighty-nine years old and I can’t live forever. When they bury me in the family plot, there is a spot at my Daddy’s feet where they’ll plant me and that is where I want to be, at his feet. He was much the man and I have spent my life trying to be deserving of him.” He paused for a few seconds and then continued;
“There was one time I stole a nickel box of pencil lead and it bothers me to this day. Me and Buddy Cox were at Kuhn’s and…”
“Where was Kuhn’s?” I asked as I interrupted him.
“Kuhn’s store was on Broad St,” he said.
“On the West End?” I asked. “Yes, it was on the West End.” he replied and then continued, “Buddy had this new mechanical pencil where you replaced the lead in it. We went to Kuhn’s and he found a nickel box of pencil leads and we were standing at the counter waiting to pay for it. There were several people in there and we were kids and they just weren’t paying any attention to us or waiting on us. We got tired of waiting and I took the box of lead and gave it to him and said, “Here, I’ll give it to you!” and handed him the leads and then we left. I have felt bad about that ever since, and I don’t think I ever took anything again.”
After visiting for a little bit I left, and as I was driving home I thought of the things he said and I thought of how Daddy stood in awe of Papaw and I smiled to myself because I felt exactly the same way about him. As I continued home, I hoped that some day in the future after my father has been laid to rest at the feet of his father, that he would look down on me with favorably as I attempt to be a son that is proud of.
(My father died peacefully at home in his sleep four years later on November 9, 2013 at the age of ninety-two)
Jim Bussell
